Writing task 1 - correction for M.Ghaemi

by omid 31. January 2009 23:32

Dear M.Ghaemi; First of all, your writing was too long for a task 1 writing (about 200). Its overall structure was pretty good and some of your comparisons were brilliant.There wereseveral grammatical mistakes, and also some verbs that are used in wrong positions. And , why don’t you keen on “the” ?! Overally , it looks like band 5 to me. The corrected forms are highlighted in yellow , while wrong or unnecessary forms are middle-lined in blue. I hope you will find my corrections useful. Keep on practicing and posting new items . good luck.

In the first bar chart, we can see some information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000.

Based on this chart , tendency of the number of divorces was variable but the number of divorces had a rise of 500000 person in 1980.

However, there was a slow fall down in the number of marriages in the USA during 30 years. These numbers didn’t change from 1970 to 1980 and there was a pick of 2.5 million person in these same years. All in all , in all 30 years, the number of marriages was more than the number of divorces in the USA.

The second chart shows the martial status of adult Americans in two of the years. As we can see married group had the highest percentage of adults with around 70% and 60% of adults, respectively. On the contrary, other groups have allocated fewer percentage of adults. lower percentage of adults were allocated to other groups.  

As a result of this discussion, we can say that married group has devoted assigned the most number of adults to itself (or the most number of adults were assigned to the married group ) in comparison to the three other groups, while USA marriage rates faced a moderate drop of around 500000 person during studied years.

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